Alright, going back down again. Lucia just gave me a ride home and now I feel like dying again. She is so ignorant to my pain, she thinks that just after Halloween it just went away. She wasnt hurt because she traded in the old model for a new one. What did I get? pain pain and more pain. I went to Chile, all alone, for a year. It took me months to get over the depresion and shock of the new culture, at least 2 until I actually went out and did things. She had our friends here to take care of her and cheer her up. No one in Chile could understand my pain. At least then I had someone who loved me.
So I get home, so excited to see her again, even with all the clingyness that came along with it, and we started again. Barely 3 weeks after I got home, her 'good friend' asks her out on a date. We tell her about us and then im just done.
What a fool I am. This was never a "real" relationship, but still we were close and now whenever she touches me I just freeze and hold back the tears until Im alone. I want to hate her, maybe I do for what she did to me. But I cant condemn her for loving someone. The way she did it was just wrong though. She never actually said that it was over between the two of us. She just stopped being intimite with me.
Funny, really, in the begining, I didnt want to betray Ashley so I refused to do anything with her. Even though this hurt me a lot, I just took it. I dont know what I was thinking. Lucia told me that Ashley said it was "okay" to do things since we were together first. So we did, for a while, then Lucia just stopped. I tried, but she would just ignore me or pretend I wasnt doing anything, but never told me to stop or that she didnt want this anymore. I dont get it.
Maybe our relationship was just about the sex and then when we broke up the friends thing didnt work because of how hurt I was. I need help from someone, ANYONE!!!!!!!!