A Travellerspoint blog

Losing to temptation

If I was given the chance....

Still Friday, I really want to hang out with those two people who sit ahead of me in International Business. They are probably already in a basement somewhere, getting wasted and high. What am I up to tonight? Going to the one act plays at my high school and then off to the Truck Stop. I will probably remember everything that happens, not have to worry about being pregnant or need to wear sunglasses tomarrow. SAVE ME!!!!

After school today, Lucia and I were hanging out in the Orchestra room, just doing our homework. Ashley called as normal, Laura listened to her music as usual, I silently screamed as usual, just another day in the life. I have no life to speak of. Im just waiting for my appeals letter to return from University of Minnesota - Twin Cities, and than my life will go from there or stop from there.

I cant say that I havent thought about it, dying, its part of every second of everyday. In freshman year, it was my number one problem. Lucia and I both had the same problems, she draged me into her dark, dank hole and I allowed her to. I felt bad for her, sitting alone, dressed in black, never speaking. I just had to find out what she was. She is something, what I dont know. All I know is that she isnt mine anymore. I really didnt want her anymore anyway. She was a clinger, so fragil, imposible to hold without breaking.

I am begining to wonder if my friends are real friends. We hang out, and talk. Its nice, but its not like friends Ive had in the past. My old best friend, Hanna, could talk to me for hours about something deep and meaningful. We would discuss the apocolipse or modern mythology. Star Wars and Star Trek: Voyager were our things, Indiana Jones too. We showed each other different worlds, mine the one of art and literature, hers the one of religon and love.

I miss those innocent days of middle school.

Posted by anabellee 15:05

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